Lafferty vs. Buddha: The Source of All Harm

March 15, 2012

Lafferty met the Buddha of the Waste on the side of the blasted highway. Lafferty reached for his holster.

“Wait,” said the Buddha. “Tell me: what is the source of all harm?”

“Me,” Lafferty chuckled. “Well, me and Charlene here,” he gestured to his signature shotgun (3-harm close loud).

“Alas, but it is not so,” the Buddha replied. “The seething masses may claim that harm is caused by weapons, but the first noble truth is that life is suffering. For us, that means that harm is always caused — in the end — by the fiction.”

“Goodbye,” said Lafferty, pulling the trigger. But there was just a dull click; Charlene had jammed. Or else the bullets had gotten soaked through when he crossed that river of sewage a couple days back.

“An excellent example!” the Buddha exclaimed. “Where’s your 3-harm now, Laffer-”

Then the operator was on him, wrapping his cold hands around the Buddha’s throat and squeezing.

But when it was over, Lafferty knelt next to the Buddha’s lifeless body, starring down at his own calloused, trembling fingers (1-harm hand), and he knew that the Buddha was correct.

3 Responses to “Lafferty vs. Buddha: The Source of All Harm”


  1. How much does harm weigh? How tall is it?

  2. Chris Goodwin Says:

    When you see the Buddha on the road, roll +hard.


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